When I think of the holidays, I think of "A Christmas Story" playing for 24 hours straight on TBS, mall Santas (Santae?) that smell a bit too much like gin for our comfort, pine needles showing up in the darnedest of places, and Toys "R" Us' Fabulous 15 List. Even though it's way too early to think about Christmas shopping, the big toy retailer has unleashed it's prognostications about what it feels will be the must have toys of the upcoming holiday season. Parents should take heed: Toys "R" Us has had a good track record in this arena, so chances are Junior will be a screaming, tear-stained, runny-nosed mess if he doesn't find one or more of these toys under the tree / menorah / Festivus pole this year. As the prices will fluctuate throughout the season, the list we've compiled is merely for reference purposes. Please check dealnews.com to find the best prices on these items throughout the holiday season! Without further qualification, here are the "Fabulous 15": Bakugan Battle Brawlers New Vestroia Maxus Helios 7-in-1 (pictured at right, Toys "R" Us exclusive) I'm sure that if you're a kid — or a parent of a kid — then this item makes sense to you. I, however, have no idea what I'm looking at, here. Chixos Design-A-Luxury Loft in Pink For a "luxury" loft, it seems to be missing certain ... facilities. Just another indication that the housing market is in the dumps. (Pun not intended.) Also: It's the same size as my NYC apartment. Crayola Beginnings Color Me A Song It USED to be that you could sit a kid down with crayons so you could get a little peace and quiet. Thanks for ruining THAT, Crayola! Buzz Lightyear & Woody Interactive Buddies Talking Action Figures (Toys "R" Us exclusive) With the last Toy Story movie released in 1999, this toy is striking while the iron is HOT! Disney Netpal Atom 1.6GHz 9" Netbook in Magic Blue or Princess Pink (pictured at right) Disclaimer: Despite their names, colors do not imply real "magic" nor elevation to actual "princess" status during use. Any such result is purely coincidental and should be reported to The Inquirer immediately. Disney Just One Kiss Princess Tiana Doll Teach your child the importance of kissing frogs — but only after refusing a couple times, first. So ... play hard-to-get, then settle for a toad! What ARE we teaching our children?! Fast Lane JLX Over Drive R/C All Terrain Vehicle At speeds of up to 225 scale mph, this car can race around and slam into your precious antique Tiffany lamp before you can say "batteries included." Fisher-Price Laugh & Learn Learning Farm Beware of the Pigs ... they just want to control everything! Little Mommy Baby Ah-Choo From the "baby's first exposure to illness" theme to the "medicine" a child can administer to the doll, everything about this thing seems wrong. MindFlex Mental Acuity Game (pictured at right) It's a game you control with your mind. That's awesome. (Until we realize the game is stealing our secret thoughts and selling them to the government.) Nerf N-Strike Raider Rapid Fire CS-35 Blaster With a 35-dart magazine, it's the Nerf gun that Baby Scarface would have used. Say hello to my little, suction-cupped friend! LEGO Star Wars: The Clone Wars Fan's Vote Anniversary Edition Home One Mon Calamari Star Cruiser (Toys "R" Us exclusive) Um, I BELIEVE the Mon Calamari Cruiser appeared in Star Wars Episode VI: The Return of the Jedi?! Either way, I'm a nerd. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Construction Devastator Action Figure Megan Fox not included. (Sorry, dads.) Nintendo Wii Sports Resort It comes with the MotionPlus Wiimote add-on, so you finally get the functionality that the Wii was supposed to come with in the first place — and all for a mere $50 more! (Thank goodness the price of the console just dropped $50!) Zhu Zhu Pets Hamster (pictured at right) A robot hamster? Upside: When it crawls behind the couch and (its battery) dies, there won't be an unpleasant smell. And there you have it! All joking aside, with the list covering all ages / genders / tastes, there's simply NO reason why you can't buy something from this list for a child in your life. In fact, NOT buying them something from this list means you don't really love them enough. True story. Jeff Somogyi is the dealnews Media Editor. We've begun to suspect that he never received the hottest toys of any of his childhood X-Mases.