15 Mother's Day Gifts to Avoid If You Want to Stay in the Will

If these are on your list, you are a terrible gift-giver.
Mom mug

Mother's Day is upon us, so you better get the woman (who lovingly hand-selected you, out of all the other kids in the orphanage) a little something to say, "Thanks for putting up with all my B.S. over the years." To help you avoid tears and recriminations, we've put together a list of what not to get her this year.

And if you want some ideas on what you should be buying for mom, check out our Mother's Day gift guide and the results of our Mother's Day Survey.

  1. A gravestone or cemetery plot. Even if — especially if — you say, "For that little 'problem' you have out in the garage. Wink!"

  2. A vacuum. Unless it's a robot. (And we don't mean a Roomba, we mean, like, Rosie. You know, something that'll not only clean, but be a sassy friend too.)

  3. Pokemon cards. (You should know that she's totes into Yu Gi Oh now.)

  4. Cash. It's the most impersonal gift anyone can give. (Plus, you don't have any, anyway.)

  5. Scented candles. Firstly, the concept of a "pleasant smell" is highly subjective. Secondly, they lead to unreliable results when used for spell-casting.

  6. A Mac. Well, really, a computer of any kind! You don't want her getting onto Facebook and seeing what you're REALLY like, do you?!

  7. Anything you won by operating a crane game or by redeeming arcade tickets.

  8. Flowers. Nothing says, "Here, watch these wither and fade just like everything living" like flowers do.

  9. A puppy. So, you've finally grown up enough that she can stop worrying about you chewing on power cords and you want to re-burden her with something that needs constant looking after? You're a monster.

  10. An iTunes gift card. She still calls it "The iTunes", fer cryin' out loud!

  11. Wire hangers. (Though any hangers are a terrible gift, really.)

  12. A copy of Shaft. (Because he's a "bad mother—".)

  13. A shout-out in your last words before your state execution.

  14. A Facebook "Like."

  15. A copy of Oedipus Rex.

If you're thinking, "Great, you just shot down every idea I had," then seriously, you come up with terrible gift ideas. So, what is the perfect gift, then? A Nicholas Sparks book on tape, read by Scott Bakula, of course. We thought that was obvious.

But, seriously, what are you getting your mom this year? We want to know, so put your ideas in the comments, below! (Honestly, we need you to give us some ideas, because we're pretty sure our mom doesn't want another finger-painted portrait — she already has 38 of them.)

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User Experience Researcher

Jeff Somogyi is the DealNews User Experience Researcher. Since working here he's written deals, features, promotional and newsletter copy, blog posts, as well as scripts for our videos. Follow him on Google+, Twitter at @sommerjam or his blog.
DealNews may be compensated by companies mentioned in this article. Please note that, although prices sometimes fluctuate or expire unexpectedly, all products and deals mentioned in this feature were available at the lowest total price we could find at the time of publication (unless otherwise specified).
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Don't give her this book: ...