13 Terrible Father's Day Gifts to Avoid

If you're considering any of these awful presents, you're probably not going in the will.
unhappy man

Father's Day is just around the corner. We all seem to go out of our way for Mother's Day, but be honest: we always kinda "phone it in" for dear old Dad. It's no coincidence, then, that this Father's Day article is basically our "Mother's Day Gifts to Avoid" article slightly reworded to make jokes about dads.

SEE ALSO: What to Expect From Father's Day Deals 2017

But since we're aware of this, you could view this humorous list as biting satire. Or something. Without father ado, here are 13 gifts to avoid this Father's Day:

  1. A copy of The Shining, There Will Be Blood, or Chinatown.

  2. A Pep Boys gift card. "What, you think I don't know how to change my own oil?!"

  3. A couple of quarts of motor oil. "What, you think I have time to change my own oil?!"

  4. Discount / expired meat. (Although... that's only a bad gift if someone gets sick, right?)

  5. A puppy. He's finally managed to get you out of the house, and you want to re-burden him with another thing he has to look out for?

  6. Flowers. Nothing says, "I've been tuning out the past 30-plus years of your complaints about hay fever" like flowers.

  7. Technology of any kind, unless you'd like every future conversation to be solely about how terrible that thing you got him is and how it never works right. (Granted, that's better than awkward silence.)

  8. A 30-day free trial to Ashley Madison.

  9. Cash. It's the most impersonal gift anyone can give. (Plus, it'll just remind him how much your college education cost.)

  10. A copy of Oedipus Rex.

  11. A gravestone. Especially if you've pre-filled in a hopeful "end date."

  12. A copy of A Dad Always Pays His Debts: The Autobiography of Tywin Lannister.

  13. Tickets to Maury for an impromptu paternity test.

If you're now thinking, "Great, you just shot down every idea I had!" then you come up with terrible gift ideas. What is the perfect Father's Day gift, then? Leaving dad alone for a few minutes, so he can take a nap without being woken up by you shouting kids, fer cryin' out loud! We thought that was obvious.

Readers, what are you getting your dad this year? Put your ideas in the comments, below! Honestly, we need you to give us some ideas — last year we got our dad a T-shirt that says "Grillin' Machine" and a One Direction album.

User Experience Researcher

Jeff Somogyi is the DealNews User Experience Researcher. Since working here he's written deals, features, promotional and newsletter copy, blog posts, as well as scripts for our videos. Follow him on Google+, Twitter at @sommerjam or his blog.
DealNews may be compensated by companies mentioned in this article. Please note that, although prices sometimes fluctuate or expire unexpectedly, all products and deals mentioned in this feature were available at the lowest total price we could find at the time of publication (unless otherwise specified).
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Yep... Trying way too hard...
File this article under: trying too hard
Gift idea: have something special to him framed in a shadow box. For example - my dad had a signed hat from a famous golfer and we did that with it. (Could also work well with military honors he has received.) Made a great gift and a nice display piece for his den/office.
I disagree. I think that cash is a GREAT gift! You can spend it anywhere and get what you. I have to admit that I recently received an Amazon Fire Stick for my birthday and I love it. Cash may be impersonal, but extremely practical. I would gladly accept cash anytime for anything. I always give my grandchildren cash for everything. They love it! The bottom line is that the one thing that we all wish we had more, is cash, cash, cash.
Came here looking for something useful. Didn't find it.

Should have guessed based upon that promo photo in the email.

====> And what the heck - autoplay advertising media on DealNews???? Great way to drive away folks.
I just want the kids to Not act like I'm their auto mechanic or private ATM for a day!
I got my dad a card that says "thank you! I got my good looks from you....

Mom got to keep hers"
Happy Father's Day
computer parts guy
Cash or a discounted gift card for a favorite destination is sometimes the only thing many of us can give for a person that has few wants.
I agree with JawjaBill. Cash is great. Cash says, "Y'know Dad, I believe you're an independent guy and can make your own decisions."
As a father of 2, I can definitely say you are waaayyyyyy off base with #10.