Thanksgiving, Black Friday, and Cyber Monday are literally the Christmas of deals. (Christmas is the New Year's of deals, and New Year's is the St. Swithin's Day of deals. Our work calendars are complicated.)
But here's the problem: Just like Christmas, every year, Black Friday deals seem to roll around a little sooner, making the deal season last longer than ever before. And yet, there are still no traditional Black Friday songs. (Rebecca Black tried, but then got distracted by partyin', partyin', yeah.)
And so, armed only with plenty of holiday spirit, a generous serving of last year's eggnog that we found in the DealNews cellar (it's got the consistency of a depressed omelet, but it's probably still good), and a decent grasp of Fair Use laws, we've slightly modified six existing holiday classics to reflect the most wonderful time of the DealNews year. Here goes ...
"All I Want This Season's DealNews"
Sung to the tune of: "All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey
Inspired by: Thanksgiving vs. Black Friday vs. Cyber Monday: What to Buy Each Day
I don't want a lot from DealNews
During National Deal Week
I just wanna keep my savings
Like my eyebrows, totes on fleek
I want you to let me know
Which day will let me save the most
No site I'd rather use
All I want this season's DealNews
"Little DealNews Boy (Deals on Earth)"
Sung to the tune of: "Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy" by Bing Crosby and David Bowie
Inspired by: 11 Surprising Things You'll Find on Sale During Black Friday
From Jeff Somogyi, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Surprising deals to see, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
So, for Thanksgiving, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Self-serving songs to sing, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum
On Black Friday, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum (Deals on earth, can it be?)
We work long shifts for you, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum (Save on wine, and discount beef)
We help you save on things, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum (You'll save on drugs and storage)
We'll make you say "ka-ching," pa-rum-pum-pum-pum (You might see Apple stuff priced reasonably)
Rum-pum-pum-pum (And some tea)
Rum-pum-pum-pum (And beauty)
"Overcharged on Deal Week"
To the tune of: "All Alone on Christmas" by Darlene Love
Inspired by: Top 5 Stores for the Best Black Friday Deals Online in 2015
A Kohl's wind is blowin', but Newegg looks the part
I'm looking for a bargain and I don't know where to start
The Best Buy's offering tablets and phones
But Target's Thanksgiving sales have grown and grown
The music plays loud on Amazon MP3
A Prime account makes their two-day shipping free
"People" might go shopping at Walmart, true
But all I want is info, DealNews
I've got to know
Which store's got the best lows
Because nobody ought to be overcharged on Deal Week
"DealNews App Is Listing Discounts"
To the tune: "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town"
Inspired by: Our Master List of EVERY Black Friday Ad Worth Buying Next Week
Forget about Tout, forget about Vine
Forget about Klout, I'm telling you why
The DealNews App is listing discounts
We're making a list, and checking it twice
Gonna list the best things falling in price
The DealNews App is listing discounts
We've seen price cuts on TVs, we've seen the Apple Watch
We've seen some consoles, tablets, phones,
And drops on Dell laptops
So forget about Tout, forget about Vine
Forget about Klout, I'm telling you why
The DealNews App is listing discounts
"DealNews Thanksgiving"
To the tune of: "Happy Xmas/War Is Over" by John Lennon
Inspired by: 10 Ways Black Friday 2015 Will Be Different
And so it's Thanksgiving
And what have you learned?
That more stores are closing?
Or to look for free returns?
And so it's Thanksgiving
Unless you want shoes
They'll kill you with shipping
Those shoe-shipping blues
It's a DealNews Thanksgiving
And a Black Friday, too
Let's hope it's a good one
Without reindeer poo
Stores are closing
If you want deals
Click to bookmark
Now
"Black Friday"
To the tune of: "White Christmas"
Inspired by: The DealNews team
I'm dreaming of a Black Friday
Just like the ones we used to list
'Cause we make our living
Posting o'er Thanksgiving
We rake in deals hand over fist
I'm dreaming of a Black Friday
With every Amazon-matched price
Shop online to miss the in-store fights
And may all your savings be Eds' Choice
See the fifth fact here! http://dealnews.com/...-Other-Factoids/886889.html
In general, we prefer the cover version by our very own "Dealy Stan", anyways.
" . . . Relations sparing no expense 'll
Send some useless old utensil
Or a matching pen and pencil ('Just the thing I need! How Nice!)
It doesn't matter how sincere it
Is nor how heartfelt the spirit
Sentiment will not endear it
What's important is the price.
Hark the Herald Tribune sings
Advertising wondrous things
God rest ye merry merchants, may you make the Yuletide pay
Angels we have heard on high
Tell us to go out and buy!"