The Internet. Man, you can find ANYTHING on there! It's like you never have to leave your house! What that means is that, this Thanksgiving, all you shut-ins don't have to settle for a tin of cat-food heated over a candle. In fact, everything you'll ever need to make your T-Day complete can be found online. Firstly, and most importantly, is the turkey. It's the lynch-pin of T-Day. Without a turkey, you might as well just light the American flag on fire and move to Canada*. Just so happens that OmahaSteaks.com has a Turkey and Trimmings Dinner for $59.99. It comes with a 10-pound whole basted turkey (uncooked), two 12-ounce green bean casseroles, two 14-ounce scalloped potatoes, and six 4-ounce caramel apple tartlets. So, from dinner to dessert, you're covered, in one fell swoop. Secondly, you'll need something to cook it in, serve it on, and cut it with. Well, you're in luck, 'cause Linens 'n Things happens to have a Cook at Home Nonstick Roaster Set, which includes a 16x12x4" nonstick roaster, serving platter, two gravy boats, salt and pepper set, and a 15-piece cutlery set. And the whole thing costs only $14.99. That's so cheap that you COULD (if you wanted to hasten the demise of the great green planet we call home) simply throw it all out when you're done with it! Think of it: No dishes to wash. Now that is a happy Thanksgiving. Of course, you'll still need something to eat off of and eat with. If you really wanna avoid washing up, use paper plates, I suppose. But, for the more refined, there is this 62-Piece Embossed Poinsettia Dinnerware Set for $44.99 from BrylaneHome.com. It includes complete settings for eight people (dinner plates, salad plates, soup bowls, dessert bowls) and napkin rings - now that's classy! Unless you wanna eat with your hands, you'll also be wantin' this Oneida Melinda 110-Piece Flatware Set for $8.97 from Sears.com. Sure, the set has more place-settings that you'll need (given that you're only gonna be able to serve eight people at a time if you buy that dinnerware set above) but you can't beat the price. And who's ever regretted having more than enough flatware? Well, my uncle did, once ... but that's really more of a story to tell during Arbor Day than Thanksgiving ... Anywho. That covers the basics, but there are some items, however, that'll give you T-Day bonus points. Replace your plain 'ole serving dish with one embossed with an image of a turkey! It not only ups the "class factor" but also the irony factor: Imagine, serving your dead bird from a plate picturing a live, happy one! It's the 18" Turkey Platter and it only costs $11.69 (after using coupon code "THANKS10") at Oneida.com. Also, major Thanksgiving points are awarded to all who are brave (read: stupid) enough to risk limb, house, and life using the Bayou Classic Turkey Fryer. Yes, every year a couple of fried-turkey seeking T-Day revelers are featured on the news, telling their sob story of how the holiday was ruined by trips to the hospital and calls to doctors. And YOU could be one of those lucky few! And it'll only cost you $39.99 to risk it all! (That is, assuming that you have GREAT house and life insurance, if anything should go wrong.) Just don't blame us if you don't follow the directions and suffer from the experience — minor injuries, severe burns, a burned-down house and/or wife, etc. So, with all the items out there, ready to be plucked from the Internet, there's no reason why you shouldn't have the best (and relatively cheapest) Thanksgiving ever! (Assuming, of course, you have friends and family to share the day of overeating with. Or cats. Cats love turkey.) Gobble Gobble! Jeff Somogyi is a dealnews Senior Staffwriter. He swears he's immune to Tryptophan, yet we catch him napping, a Turkey sammich for a pillow, almost every afternoon. *Okay! Okay! Vegans and vegetarians can celebrate Thanksgiving in any way they want. After all, we all know that vegans are the only TRUE Americans, right?!** **Except for you, meat-eaters, of course. You guys rock, too.