5 Deals You Need to Know Today: Save on Over 2,000 items at T.J.Maxx

T.J.Maxx Clearance Sale

A new pair of moccasins for you. An emoji card game for the kids. A 28" Gnome with LED Body for whatever demographic is supposed to find that appealing. It's all happening in the T.J.Maxx Clearance Sale, where you can save up to 50% off over 2,000 items of wildly varying variety. Shipping adds $8.99 but orders of $89 or more do ship for free via benevolent coupon code "SHIP89". Onwards to gnome ownership you go.

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Tools & Accessories at Lowe's

Craftsman. DeWalt. Kobalt. All titans of the tool and hardware industry, once unattainable to the likes of you and me – the hard working every person – but now however within our grasp thanks to Lowe's taking up to 30% off over 50 of these distinguished items. It would seem we're moving up in the world. (Or so we like to tell ourselves, as mega corporations become more powerful, exerting greater control in our daily lives; the rich become richer, the wealth gap widens, and the middle class evaporates – but that's too grim to reckon with so let's live in fantasy land instead and delight in distractingly cheap tools.) There are table saws, cordless drills, tool cabinets, and power tool combo kits to name but a few of the gizmos on offer. Opting for store pickup will allow you to swiftly dodge the $5.99 shipping fee or free shipping is yours with orders of $45 or more.

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Tory Burch Sale Handbags

There's absolutely no point in pretending I know anything of worth about handbags so let's skip the color commentary and get straight to the cold hard facts. Fact: this is among the more popular deals that have appeared on DealNews dot com within the past 24 hours, therefore it must be good. Fact: there's up to 50% off savings to be had. Fact: prices start from as low as $169. Fact: some bags are reduced by hundreds of dollars. Fact: the pictured bag to the right is the Tory Burch Walker Satchel for $299 ($130 off). Fact: free shipping is available. Fact: today is National Black Cat Day. Thank you for all you've done for us Salem.

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Little Tikes Slam 'n Curve Slide

Somehow this Little Tikes Slam 'n Curve Slide at Amazon is $209 less than the last time we posted it back in May. That's TWO HUNDRED AND NINE United States of America currency units, which brings us to a couple of possibilities – either the price we originally highlighted all those months ago was too high to begin with and not deal worthy (impossible) or this is simply a great deal (yes). As a final piece of crucial information, consider also that this is the lowest price we could find by $141 now and the picture becomes completely clear and unambiguous. This is a great deal indeed and any wrongdoing on our part is no longer subject to debate. What do you mean no one was accusing anyone of anything? What do you mean I'm speaking like a guilty party with something to hide? What. Do. You. Mean?

The slide features a neat basketball hoop in the pool area, a climbable rock wall type thingy, and perhaps most excitingly, delicious anchor stakes.*

*These aren't the type of stakes you can eat so please don't try – that was just some insipid wordplay.

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Walgreens 5"x7" Photo Card 6-Pack

Well, this is awkward. There's been a rumor going around about you, dear reader. I'm not one to gossip usually but sometimes even I fall prey to such temptations and for that, I apologize. I do hate to reveal your long held dark secret to the world at large but so despicable is it that you must be publicly shamed. You, for the longest of times, have loved getting things for free. Admit it.

There's no point denying it anymore for the ruse is finally over, the façade finally broken. What a terrible trait. What a woefully deficient personally you have manifested for yourself. You're probably the type of person to venture onto Walgreens' website and use coupon code "SIXPREMIUM" to get a Walgreens 5"x7" Photo Card 6-Pack for absolutely nothing, thus saving you $21 when you pick up the pack in-store on the same day. It's utterly contemptible behavior. Now sit in the corner and think about what you've done.

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