5 Deals You Need to Know Today: Enjoy Supple Skin with this Free Sample

Top Beauty Deal
La Roche-Posay Face Moisturizer UV Skin Care Sample
Store: La Roche-Posay
Price: free
Shipping: Free shipping

Everyone's watching to see what you will do, so naturally, you want your skin to look its best. Lucky for you, this La Roche-Posay moisturizer sample is completely free, with the only catch being that it could take a month or two to arrive. With this in mind, this is clearly only a solution for future face-scrutiny – if everyone's looking at you right now, you are on your own.

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Top Apparel Deal
Nordstrom Rack New Arrivals Clearance
Store: Nordstrom Rack
Discount: Up to 82% off
Shipping: $7.95 s&h, or free shipping w/ $89

Everyone's wondering: will you come out tonight? If you're safely vaccinated and local restrictions allow for it, then your only worry would be finding something to wear, so this Nordstrom Rack clearance sale should help. But, of course, since it's Nordstrom Rack, it's time for us to play Guess The Fake Brand! As ever, we will list several actual brands represented among these discounts, with one completely fictional brand mixed in at random. Can you find it? Everyone's trying to get it right. The brands:

1. Hat Attack
2. The Cookie Jar
3. ... Lost
4. Body Rags

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Top Toy Deal
Ruko Smart Robot
Store: Amazon
Price: $101.99
Shipping: Free shipping
Lowest By: $98
Expiration: May 15

I've never seen Bicentennial Man, but I can only presume the story begins with a parent buying a smart robot for their child – perhaps one that also functions as a Bluetooth speaker, and is controlled by remote controller, phone app, voice command, and gravity sensor – but then the robot achieves sentience and does some abridged stand-up routines on account of a clause in Robin Williams' contract. The family comes to love their new robot buddy, and even rely on him for little conveniences: "Ruko, play that Janis Joplin song we heard yesterday, what was it called?" "You want Piece of My Heart?"

The emotional climax comes when the robot's newfound sense of self-awareness combines with a low-battery warning to create an existential crisis – convinced his life is at end, Ruko wipes his own memory to avoid feeling profound sadness over losing his new family. The child finds the robot powered down, and plugs in his USB charger. As the robot powers up, the family realizes he remembers nothing of their relationship, and start madly trying to fill him in on their previous adventures together. Amnesia-stricken but overwhelmed with affection, a single tear somehow forms in Ruko's robot eye, as he quiets the family and tries to understand his own story better. "You better start from the start." And roll credits.

At least that's what I assume it was about, I dunno.

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Top Pet Deal
Aquariums at Petco
Store: Petco
Discount: 50% off
Shipping: Pickup

After the year we've all had, everybody's going off the deep end, at least a little bit – so introduce a little bastion of calm and simplicity into your life with a half-price fish tank, and also some fish (not included). You'll have to pick your order up in-store, but that's just an opportunity to pick out some tank decor and stock up on food. The real story is that this is a repeat of a sale you might have missed from Black Friday week last year – everybody needs a second chance.

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Top Outdoors Deal
Sevylor Colossus 300 3-Person Inflatable Boat
Store: Big Lots
Price: $70
Shipping: Free shipping
Lowest By: $5

Everyone wants you to come through on your promise to buy a boat, and by "everyone", I do of course mean the two people you'll be bringing out on the lake with you – it seems unlikely anyone else will be emotionally invested in your decision one way or another. More significantly, canny readers who have spotted today's theme will also be pleased to discover that the words "Sevylor boat" can be rearranged into "Ta, Loverboys".

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