5 Deals You Need to Know Today: Haul, Y'All
Amazon Haul is a special selection of things that are guaranteed to cost "not much". Which you know is our favorite cost. Check out this offer and more in our roundup of the five best deals we found over the last 24 hours.
Top Sale Deal
Amazon Haul Best Sellers
Deals under $20Among the many, many, many discounted desirables in this sale, my favorite must be this Positive Poo. Anyone can knit a poop emoji, that's not particularly special. Anyone could add a little affirmation on a placard. But not everyone would include this specific message: "In a world full of turds, be the one that sparkles." Not "You're not a turd". Not even "Don't be a turd". Just "Be a notably nice turd". Achievable goals.
Top Garden Deal
230-Ft. Drip Irrigation System Kit w/ Quick Connect System
$24.99There was originally a joke here about how "230-Foot Drip" was the working title for the original draft of The Iron Giant movie, where instead of changing the story from the original book so the titular robot flies headfirst into an ICBM, he instead becomes a fashion icon for all mankind, and somehow saves us that way instead. But much like the Iron Giant's demolished carapace post-missile, the joke didn't really land properly. So instead, enjoy this quiz: Which one of these isn't a real music news story? (Note: the stories are not new.)
- 12 shot dead in random killings while all singing the same karaoke song
- Pink says SpongeBob Squarepants song about scurvy is her biggest musical regret
- Snoop Dogg reveals he's terrified of dogs: "I'm just f***ing scared of them"
- The BBC have taken the decision to suspend episodes of their popular children series Bedtime Stories following the incident in which Josh Homme kicked a photographer in the face
Click here for the answer
It's 3! Snoop Dogg is scared of horses. The karaoke song was Sinatra's "My Way", for the record. Regrets, they had a few.Top Apparel Deal
Saks Off 5th End of Season Clearance
Up to 93% offSaks Off 5th? More like Up To 93% Off 5th.
[I am immediately murdered by an angry mob.]
Top Shorts Deal
Reebok Men's Champ Knit Performance Shorts
$8.35I YET LIVE. At least long enough to tell you about some $8 Reebok shorts, which is surely more meaningful now that I've seen into the void that awaits beyond this mortal coil and can say for certain that there is no light. Sure, we are stardust and all that precious mumbojumbo, but y'know what happens to stars. They either wither away and die in darkness, or they explode and potentially become black holes, tearing all matter and light and energy into a brand new void. But stars don't get to wear bright lime green Reebok shorts, so we at least have that advantage.
Top Camping & Outdoors Deal
Propane Torch Gun
$50Back to Amazon we go for this final deal: a propane gun that makes me 86% confident that the designer was a big fan of the Plasma Rifle in the original Doom games. It is probably overkill to wield a propane gun like you're Al Pacino introducing a crème brûlée to your little friend, but who am I to say. It's at its best-ever price. That's who I am. To say. Guns don't torch desserts, rappers do.
