Rumor Roundup: Presidential Park? A Dance With Snapdragons? Giant Phones?

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Jeff Somogyi
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Contributing Writer

When the Internet runs out of news, it starts making things up. We think this is funny, so we round up all the lies and speculation and put them here. We call it the "Rumor Roundup" and we do it all for you! This week:

The Burbs
  • Is Amazon Thinking About Using Customers to Deliver Packages?
    I trust drones more than I trust my neighbors. (At least robots follow the Three Laws; I saw my neighbor put recycling out on regular trash night.) [The Verge]

  • Will Sony's VR Goggles Be Called "PlayStation RealEyes"?
    This is clever because a) it sounds like "realize", as in "I realize I'm getting a migraine from this", but also b) it's constructed from 100% cadaver eyes. [Attack of the Fanboy]

Robot Lincoln
  • Is Disney Opening an American-Themed Park In Virginia?
    This is a direct effect of The Hall of Presidents being the most popular ride of any Disney park.[Behind The Thrills]

  • Will the Next iPhone Not Have a Bezel?
    "How come your phone doesn't have a bezel, bub?!"
    *Puff of smoke; smell of sulfur*
    "Did someone call upon beelzebub, the dark one?!"
    "Uh. No."
    "Oh. Then beelzebub will take his leave of you, mort-- wait, is that the new iPhone? Can I see it?"
    "No."
    "CURSES!"
    *Puff of smoke; smell of sulfur* [Ubergizmo]

Ele-PHONE-t
  • Will the Next Samsung Galaxy Note Include a Huge 4,100mAh Battery?
    If past Galaxy Note "phones" are any indication, shouldn't there be room in there for an even bigger battery? Those things are as big as a shoebox, after all. [BGR]

  • Have Snapdragon Shipments Fallen Short of Expectations?
    This is because two thirds of the processors have been locked away in a tomb by The First of Her Name, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Lady Regnant of the Seven Kingdoms, Protector of the Realm, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, The Unburnt, Mhysa, The Queen Across the Sea, The Silver Queen, Mother of Snapdragons, Daenerys of the House Targaryen! (AKA Dany Stormborn; AKA Sarah Connor.) [Android Headlines]

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Jeff Somogyi
Contributing Writer

Jeff Somogyi is constantly trying to come up with ways to surprise and delight audiences the world over. He takes humor seriously ... too seriously. (Honestly, we've never seen him laugh ... it's kinda creepy.)
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