dealnews' Letters to Santa
Normally, we visit you at the mall to give you the heads up on what we want for Christmas (well, not you directly, but the guy who works for you and relays the message), but this year we figured that posting a letter to you on our website was the best way to let you know what we wanted under the collective dealnews Christmas tree. Maybe it's a little presumptuous, but if you really do exist, we'd bet that you read our site. So below is our collective holiday wish list. (By the way, you might want to look into getting better helpers next year, 'cause our local Santa was a little stinky.)
I would like The Complete Calvin and Hobbes because, well, come on! It's Calvin and Hobbes! Winter is the perfect time to enjoy Calvin's twisted snowmen scenes, or go on the most dangerous sled ride ever with the lil blonde terror and his tiger-pal. And besides, handing out coal isn't very green is it, Santa? I mean, that's directly destroying tons and tons of fossil fuels. Granted, I'm asking for books, but I don't think C&H is available for the Kindle, yet.
Dear Santa, for Christmas this year I would like two Dell 3007WFP-HC 30" UltraSharp Monitors. I worked hard all year getting ready for Christmas. My job is to make sure that all our readers can find all these great deals on dealnews no matter how many of you come at one time. On Black Friday, many web sites were crushed by online shoppers, but dealnews never even broke a sweat.
Dan de Grandpre
For Christmas, all I want is this car, which I cannot afford without your help. It's not a very large car, and I would use it to quickly drive orphans to and from their much-needed hospital treatments. Please, Santa, help the orphans and get me this modest automobile. It's 4-wheel drive, so it'll work during those terrible New York City winters. And it's very safe because it has excellent brakes and its aerodynamics keep it on the ground. A used one with low miles is OK if nothing else is available. Help the orphans, Santa!
What if you want world peace, a cure for disease, a diet pill that makes you thin overnight, and the winning lottery ticket? Is that too much to ask from Santy Claus? : )
Dear Santa, I would like the Marc Jacobs Patchwork Lou handbag. Why do I deserve it? Because I am fabulous, of course!! And because I have been a really good shopper this year, buying everything on sale, mostly online, and being very diligent to search for and apply coupon codes to my purchases. Santa appreciates that, right?
Dear Santa, I want a Porsche Cayman S in Guards Red with tan leather. I don't deserve it, I just want it so I'll have a cooler (and much faster) car than the Boss. Besides, I was good most of this year.
I would like — no, I need — these 3 Button Gloves from Coach in Aubergine, maybe Moroccan Blue in a pinch. My hands are so cold in this weather, and even though I suppose I could wear my old red mittens, they just don't go, you know? They actually match your suit; maybe we could swap.
I'd like to say that the only gift I want, this X-Mas is "Peace On Earth," BUT since I'm sure that there are literally HUNDREDS of other people, out there wishing for just that why should I waste MY X-Mas wish on something someone else is already asking for, right?! So instead I'll ask for the KitchenAid Professional 600 6-Quart Stand Mixer. Of course, my apartment suffers from a lack of viable kitchen counter-space, so i wouldn't know where to put it. So, in that case, I guess I'd ask for a bigger apartment. Though, I wouldn't be able to afford the rent on a bigger place. So, in that case, I guess I'd ask for money. Lots of money. Though, I just KNOW the IRS would audit me. And upon telling them that I received a bulk payment from "a fat man in a red suit" I'd be thrown in jail. So, in that case, I guess I'll cut my losses and not ask for anything and avoid this whole "Monkey's-Paw-esque" fiasco that is X-Mas wishing. I guess it's just safest to ask for Peace on Earth. And a car.
S'up, Saint Nick? It's real simple, all I want this year is to be bitten by a radioactive or genetically engineered spider (depending on how much of a purist you are about it). If your elves can't hook me up with either one, then I'll take a Kindle. As to the "certain actions" that led to my gift of a 3-3/5 lb lump of coal last year, I'd just like to point out that those mysterious boogers left under the Boss' desk have stopped.
Dear Santa, I have a tall order, but hopefully you can come through. I need a table top radio that can pump music throughout my apartment. Something like the Tivoli Audio Music System. It's pricey, I know, but Christmas is about splurging, isn't it? Not to be greedy, but I'd also like a new virtual surround sound system. I don't have much space in my living room and don't want any clutter or cables so I'm asking for this Denon DHT-FS3 Single Speaker Surround System. Again, $1,199.95 is a lot of clams to shell out for this system, but you're Santa. You got the dough. And if you got extra room in your bag, I wouldn't mind an Asus Eee PC. It's a very modest laptop and the 4GB flash drive, built-in Wi-Fi, and 7"-screen are more than enough for me.
For Christmas this year, I've had my eye on a memory foam mattress, like this one. I think I deserve it because I've been posting lots of coupons and, well, I have two kids under the age of 2 at home and sleep — when it happens — is really important. I also wouldn't mind a nice camcorder like the Sony Handycam DCR-SR200 so that I can record all those precious (but, again, sleep-depriving) moments with my children. And I really, really deserve these diamond stud earrings because, well, just because! I should probably stop right here, but feel free to use your Santa gift-giving creativity to think of some other ideas 'cause I've been pretty good this year. Most of the time anyway. OK, some of the time. Wait, you're not looking back to previous years, are you? That was NOT me. Alright, alright — just bring some toys for the kids and we'll call it even until next year.