This Week's Rumor Roundup: iPad, iPod, iPhone

• New York Times online will cost less than $20?
  This means there are 1,999 price-point options they are currently deciding from. (And none of them will be the "$0" that people have come to love.)
• iPad 2 on April 2 or 9?
  As far as I can tell, the logic for this one runs like this: The iPad came out on a Sunday. One year from that Sunday is not a Sunday. Therefore, the iPad 2 will come out either the Sunday before or after the 1-year anniversary. This is, of course, a very Prussian way to think (the site is German). Remember, though, those guys also believe that David Hasselhoff is the living end ...
• White iPhone 4 on February 27?
  Just in time to be obsoleted by the iPhone 5 which will, invariably, be announced four months later. (Though, a white version will be announced then, too, and not come to market for another 8 months. So everything'll even out.)
• PlayStation 3 games to come with serial keys?
  Because pirates have never figured out how to circumvent anti-piracy measures. And this crazy carousel of life, it just keeps on spinnin'. (That last line might sound like a song lyric — possibly by Dylan — Jacob, not Bob. It's not, though.)
• iPad 2 will have double the screen resolution?
  Enjoy, iOS game devs! Now you'll have to put up with even more "I installed this on my device and it wouldn't work with my resolution! NO STARS" ratings! Those are always fun to see, right?
• Next gen iPod will be 3D?
  Yeah. Cuz Apple wouldn't sit back to see if there'll be a whole host of eye-bleeding lawsuits against Nintendo and its 3DS before attempting to ruin the sight of a whole generation of humans. (If I could draw, instead of writing that snarky quip up there, I'd have simply sketched a cartoon of two figures, one labeled "Apple" the other "Nintendo", standing at the entrance to a minefield labeled "3D". The Apple figure would be saying, "No no! YOU first. I insist!")

Jeff Somogyi is the dealnews Media Editor. He often wonders how political cartoonists get away with it. Follow him on Twitter @dzheough.