Rumor Roundup: Phones with Retina Scanners? COD Underselling?

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When the Internet runs out of news, it starts making things up. We think this is funny, so we round up all the lies and speculation and put them here. We call it the "Rumor Roundup" and we do it all for you! This week:

Snipes Eyeball
  • Next-Gen Samsung Galaxy Will Have a Retina Scanner?
    "GREAT! Now thieves have to steal EYES, too!" is what hack copy writers are writing about this right now. Not me, though. Not me. [Business Insider]

  • The Wii U Version Accounted for Less than 1% of Call of Duty: Ghosts Sales?
    0.33% of all sales of the game were on Wii U. For perspective, 0.33% is still millions of units sold ... not "1/3 of one disc sold to some poor kid who got ripped off on eBay," or something. [Wii U Daily]

Shakespeare Twitter
  • Is Twitter Getting an Edit Button?
    How annoying is it to send a tweet, only to realize there's a typo in it?! Not annoying at all, really, because it's Twitter. No one is going there expecting perfect prose, just food pics and RTs of giveaways and contests, right? Unrelated: Follow me @sommerjam! [The Desk]

  • Nokia Drops Android Smartphone Plans for "Wearables"?
    Nokia wouldn't have to scrap its investment in developing the handhelds if it just added some velcro wristbands to 'em. Smartphone becomes "watch." Go for a retro feel by attaching "slap bracelets," instead. 80s cool! [Android Authority]

Sweaty Ballmer
  • Windows Is Working on a Siri-Like Voice-Commanded Assistant?
    You access it by shouting "Developers, developers, developers!" Aw, just kidding, Steve Balmer. You know I love you and I'll miss you when you're gone. (But I gotta get these jokes in while you're still at Microsoft!) [The Verge]

  • Is Google Working on "Smart" Thermostats?
    What's in it for Google? Ads! "People who set their home temperature to 73 also enjoyed Anchorman 2. Buy tickets now!" [Gizmodo]

DealNews Contributing Writer

Jeff Somogyi is constantly trying to come up with ways to surprise and delight audiences the world over. He takes humor seriously ... too seriously. (Honestly, we've never seen him laugh ... it's kinda creepy.)
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