Rumor Roundup: LTE iPhone? iPad Retina Displays?

Rumors travel fast ... but not as fast as a cheetah ... riding in a rocket-car!

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• Volkswagon to build a MiniBus-inspired mini-van?
  The Car Connection explains that it'll be a utility vehicle with retro looks. This is clearly pandering to the ex-hippie baby-boomer-types who're looking for ways to buy back their youth using their cashed-in stock-options. (Sorry, album cover and credit card not included.)
• iPad 3 displays will be retinas?
  We're going to find out that Steve Jobs has opened a portal to a demon dimension, and he's using actual retinas from hell-beasts, aren't we? Seriously, if someone told you that that was true, you'd hesitate before deciding it sounded just a bit too crazy, right? I think it's all those black turtlenecks. [L.A. Times Blog]
• Next-gen iPhone getting LTE capability?
  engadget received a picture that supposedly showed LTE equipment being installed into the ceiling of an Apple Store. They concluded that this must mean the iPhone 5 will have LTE capability. Now, unless the equipment had "LTE Relay for iPhone 5" stenciled on the side, I'm going to remain dubious. (Also, does this mean that I'll have to install LTE equipment into my ceiling, if I want to use this phone, or what?)
• Apple will invest $1 billion in Sharp's LCD plant?
  Apple Insider says it's to ensure that next-gen Apple products will have a steady supply of screens. Personally, I think that Jobs misplaced the decimal point on his check and didn't catch the error. (See ... Apple has so much money, they wouldn't even notice a billion dollar mistake, is what this joke is getting at. )
• Harry Potter-themed Sony eBook reader?
  The Leaky Cauldron reports that the device will come pre-loaded with all seven books, a letter from J.K. Rowling, subscription to Pottermore, and a "themed" carrying case. Though, if words start appearing on-screen, as if by magic ... immediately kill it with a Basilisk tooth (not included). Better to be safe than sorry.