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Rumor Roundup: Appearing As DLC, Yoda Is? GTA Subscriptions?

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When the Internet runs out of news, it starts making things up. We think this is funny, so we round up all the lies and speculation and put them here. We call it the "Rumor Roundup" and we do it all for you! This week:

grand theft dragon
  • Will Grand Theft Auto VI Have a World of Warcraft-Like Monthly Subscription Payment Model?
    You probably weren't aware, but these games have many other similarities already. Like how in WoW, you can pull someone off a dragon and evade the guards by pulling into a castle and having the dragon repainted. Or how, after you kill a rat in GTA, they often leave behind gold. Also, WoW had a secretary named "GTA" and GTA has a secretary named "WoW." [Master Herald]

  • Is Samsung Going to Replace Its Virtual Assistant?
    Like a virtual Murphy Brown, Samsung just can't keep a virtual secretary around. (Now that's topical! People in their late 30s+ are rolling right now!) Alternate joke for younger readers: Virtually fired, Samsung has to pay virtually no severance, either. (I didn't say it was a better joke, just one that didn't rely on knowledge of Murphy Brown.) [Android Headlines]

Star Wars Dogs
  • Will Yoda Be Available as DLC in Star Wars Battlefront?
    Yoda, huh? You know how Yoda would have said this headline, right? I think it'd go a little something like this: "Will Yoda Be Available as DLC in Star Wars Battlefront?" (Sorry, I do a terrible Yoda impersonation.) [Segment Next]

  • Could Apple Buy GoPro?
    The board of directors overheard Tim Cook singing along to his favorite Bonnie Tyler jam and jumped to conclusions. (For those of you unfamiliar, she sings "I Need a Hero" and GoPro names their cameras "Hero." #FunnierWhenExplained) [Dive Photo Guide]

hippie VW microbus
  • Is Volkswagen About to Unveil a New MicroBus?
    They are courting the lucrative "kids who have fond memories of listening to their parents' fond reminisces of the original MicroBus" market. "Dad said he had a great time following The Dead around in one of these, maybe I'll like doing millennial things in one!" [TFLCar]

  • Will the iPhone 7 Feature a Buttonless Design?
    So what? (Sew buttons!) [RealtyToday]


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Jeff Somogyi is the DealNews User Experience Researcher. Since working here he's written deals, features, promotional and newsletter copy, blog posts, as well as scripts for our videos. Follow him on Google+, Twitter at @sommerjam or his blog.
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1 comment
dsnake
oy, such 'humor'